My own creation…

Well my new venture The Corner House is launched. A soft launch admittedly, but it’s out there. I have re-entered the world of “work” and started networking in my new home town. I have been meeting some lovely people and have ideas popping into my head for how my business will grow. All good stuff.

But this week I also met someone who had a very negative affect on my state of mind. No, lets correct that. Someone who I allowed to negatively affect my beliefs about myself. I let them in! for the first time in quite a while I felt completely inadequate, not quite up to the job, lacking in knowledge, experience and ability to achieve anything.

Since my recent training I have been blessed with confidence that I am where I need to be, doing what I need to do. Feeling strong and positive, forging ahead with my plans with no doubt in my mind that I will be successful. Just feeling this way is empowering. I have been feeling invincible!

So it was a bit of a shock to be revisiting feelings of doubt, disbelief and fear.

The good thing about my new quiet mind is that thoughts like this are soon dealt with. Set aside so that I can continue learning and growing. But I found that I was re-visiting them. Testing them out, worried that they were valid feelings.

I had little conversations with myself. The little voice in my head asked me “Do you know what you are talking about?” “Who are you to think that you can do this?”  and the big one “Do you really think you can earn any money doing this? Are you worth anything?”

We all have those voices. Sometimes imaginary, sometimes real people in your life. It’s all too easy to add those voices to the busyness in your mind, let it stifle the good thoughts, stop them from flowing

So, I made a choice. I chose to not believe what this person was saying. I do not need those thoughts. They are their thoughts, they are not part of my story.

The Penny that I am becoming is resolute. Determined. With a peaceful mind and a desire to help other people. I can only be who I am. I try to always be authentic. I no longer let the past determine who I am, and I try hard not to worry about the future. It will happen as it is meant to. I am banging my own drum! Creating myself, with added sparkle!

I am what I am
I am my own special creation.
So come take a look,
Give me the hook or the ovation.
It’s my world that I want to have a little pride in,
My world, and it’s not a place I have to hide in.
Life’s not worth a damn,
‘Till you can say,
“Hey World, I am what I am.”
Great make up lessons in here too! xx

 

 

 

Recalculating…

 

Meet Alexa. She lives in my office. Every day I say “Alexa, good morning” and she greets me with an interesting piece of information. This morning she told me that the actor Brian Blessed is 81 today, and then listed some of his achievements including climbing Everest and surviving a plane crash in the jungle…Happy Birthday Brian!

Alexa is useful to have around. Mainly I ask her to play my music and she scrolls through my extensive Amazon music content and chooses a random selection of tracks for me. Her selection of music is sometimes quite uncanny, and I often get to hear tracks that I have not heard for ages. She can also play the radio, answer simple questions, tell me a joke or recite a limerick if I feel the need for one. She is quite fun!

Alexa is an AI (Artificial Intelligence) device. Apparently, she is learning all the time, and I get an email each week telling me about her newest skills. Usually I try out one or two with her, just to make sure she is keeping up with her learning.

I got to thinking about how useful it would be to have life skills like Alexa. We could learn from each of life’s lessons as we went along and never make the same mistake twice. We could always be interesting, with our heads stuffed full of useful information to share with anyone who might be vaguely interested. We could nearly always have the answers. To anything (as long as it is on Google somewhere). If we didn’t know we would simply say “I don’t know that”. We wouldn’t feel ashamed at our lack of knowledge, or feel inadequate in any way.

We would simply accept that at that particular moment we did not have the information to hand. We would not beat ourselves up for letting someone down. We would not feel the need to post self-damning statuses on Facebook, or allow ourselves to continue to hold life-limiting beliefs indefinitely because of one moment in our past where we did not know the answer.

It’s interesting, the human fascination with so called Artificial Intelligence. Our desire to create an artificial version of something that we already have in abundance.

Of course, Alexa is not human. She has no emotion. She cannot laugh, cry, love, hate, feel. Most of us endow emotion on inanimate objects. When I choose to go a different way to the route recommended by my sat-nav, she (yes, she is a she) will mutter “recalculating” and if I continue to go my own way she repeats the word with every turn, and each time I imagine her getting angrier and angrier about my disobedience, clenching her teeth and spitting the word out at me. See! In truth the word is always said in the same boring monotone. My human imagination embodies it with feeling, with emotion.

My life has changed over the last couple of weeks. The things I have learned have led to a seismic change in my thinking that is altering my view of the world. It’s been hard, because I have expected the world to change with me, and it hasn’t yet. These things take time. We humans take time to learn new things. Many of us look for proof, for something solid to hang a new belief on, rather than simply trusting that the Universe knows what we need and when we need it. Our ego, our intellect demands evidence, searches for reasons.

Alexa and her ilk simply accept things they are told as fact. It sometimes means they cannot tell the difference between real news and fake news. But then sometimes neither can we! Perhaps we are more alike than we think.

Every now and then something real comes along that you know in your gut is real. Something that will make a difference. It’s an Emotional Intelligence rather than Artificial. Listen out for it, it’s rather special.

Alexa…play my music…

And she knew….truly…Love NEVER felt so good!