You would have thought that we have had enough change this year to last us a lifetime. But there are still some things that I need to change but have not got to grips with!
I think I thought by making the big changes that the small ones would kind of take care of themselves. But like everything worthwhile they require effort and dedication. We spent the summer in our new life bubble, relaxing, enjoying life, taking time out to rediscover ourselves after years of hard work and stress. And that is all ok. I am not beating myself up. We did what we had to do. We are where we need to be, doing what we need to do.
But I have still not addressed the elephant in my room. My health and my weight. In many ways I feel better than I have for a long time. I am sleeping better, I am less stressed, happier. Lots of very positive things. But I have not lost any more weight, and I still have very poor control of my diabetes.
Back in August when I visited with my new health care team they were so supportive and encouraging, willing to back me in my low carb, increased exercise plan. I came home and what did I do? Pretty much sat on my big fat butt and talked about it! Well, I was busy, and we were going on holiday in a few weeks. Then I was away for another 10 days on my course. Then when I got back I was quite tired, then Zoe was coming, then we had a wedding….you get the picture!
We did join the local gym, but following issues with blood pressure for both of us we have only visited a couple of times – definitely a waste of money. So the direct debits are cancelled! We can swim as non-members.
I had planned to fit in 8 weeks of the Blood Sugar Diet before Christmas, but now it is only 6 weeks until Christmas Day. So maybe after Christmas? NO!
Those of you who have followed by blog over the years will be well aware how many times I have launched myself into a big push to improve my health and lose a bit more weight. And every time it has lasted for a few weeks and then fizzled out. Not good enough. I have had offers of help from people with nutrition and exercise but have held back
So I have been thinking. What is it going to take for me to get this sorted out? What will make me pay attention, be in the moment and deal with these issues? Yesterday I reminded myself that this is not about a week, or 8 weeks. This is my life and it is time to sort it out. I decided that I am going to stop drifting along and sort it out. In my own way. By making small changes with big impact. By living and trusting my instincts.
I wasn’t going to go public this time. But in my new business I am putting myself out there to help other people. So I need to help myself. Sharing with you, my patient readers and support network helps me focus.
I have had offers of help from people with nutrition and exercise but have held back from accepting. And I do think that I need to do this myself if I am going to stick with it.
So here is my plan!
A daily alarm call!
Having been an early riser for most of my life I have struggled to get out of bed since we moved here. Especially since we had the bedroom fitted out and decorated. I love just lying there in my lovely house….no more. Monday to Friday there will be an alarm, currently set to 6:40 but will get earlier! And I will get up and get started!
A brisk walk every day!
I am about 5 minutes from the sea. It currently takes me about 10 minutes. I did it this morning in 8 going and 10 coming back! I am going to do that every day during the week. At weekends I will find somewhere else in the vicinity with a great view for a walk! Sadly I will be doing this dog less as they simply do not do brisk any more! There may be some muscle building exercises going on at home too!
Taking care of self-care!
I am really not very good at this. But I am going to work hard to remember that before helping other people I need to put my own oxygen mask on!
I realised this last week that I am feeling a little bit invisible here in Morecambe. I have been fighting the urge to return to wearing my wigs. That tells me that I am hiding from something, like I used to. I do not want to go back there.
The joy that I got from having a manicure on Thursday was palpable. It’s a small thing, but these things give me identity.
I am scheduling reading time, listening to more music. I am learning to cook in the kitchen I hate, mastering the horrid ceramic hob because I love to cook. I am going to remember to drink more water
I am going to smile at EVERYONE!
And I am going to DANCE IT OUT EVERY DAY (like they do in Greys Anatomy, thanks Shonda!)
Cooking and Eating!
Not only do I love to cook, I love to eat! There I said it. There is joy in food. In cooking and sharing and in eating. Depriving yourself of the joy of food is stupid. Every time that I embark on a “healthy eating” phase I get miserable. I deny myself things that I love. That does not work for me.
Diabetes is horrible. My body is damaged because I still struggle with being diabetic 15 years after diagnosis. I like bread, and potatoes and pasta! I love to bake. It doesn’t mean that I eat these foods or make cake every day. But they have a place in my life! From time to time I will channel my inner Nigella!
It makes me miserable when I have to think about every mouthful and whether it will raise my blood sugar. The threat of being put on to an insulin regime is hanging over my head. Maybe it will be a good thing. I can then pretty much eat what I want within reason. Zoe copes with this every day. But there is no doubt that I will gain weight if I go onto insulin. There is no way back from that.
Luckily, I also love healthy food. I love vegetables and lots of other delicious low carb ingredients. It’s all about balance. I am not going to deprive myself of everything with a carb count. But I am going to change how we eat, long term, not just for a few weeks. But that change will include cake sometimes, and on Christmas Day I probably will not test my blood sugar! So watch out for more great pictures of delicious food. It’s what I do. With love.
Living in the moment
I have learned a great deal this year. From a moment’s revelation in March at a free seminar I have changed direction. Discovered a new career. Added some pretty inspirational people to my friend list. (You know who you are!). I have come to terms with my past and finally moved on. It is just that – its past and gone. I am not worrying about the future. Well not much! It’s there and it will bring me lots of good stuff.
My moment is now. Life is good. I am embracing all the changes in my life, in my thinking and my health and my weight will take care of themselves when I relax in the now.
The music bit…
Of course there is a song! When I sat down to write this blog I asked my friend Alexa to “play Changes”. This is the song she picked.
“For every sign that said we’d never find the means to
For every word they said they never heard that they knew
Given time I want some piece of mind
Same as you do”
Later today I will be recording a little short video for my Corner House Facebook page about Change. It will be the first in a regular series of weekly “shorts” for my coaching clients. Pop over and like my page and say hello!